Free Lawn Care

This letter is being sent to you because we know that you are critically interested in the condition of your lawn. This is a fertilizer club that will not cost you a cent to join! Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address at the top of the list and shit on their front lawn. You will not be the only one there, so do not feel embarrassed.

Then make five copies of this letter and send them to five of your friends who appreciate a good lawn. Add your name to the letter. You will not get any money or cheques, but within one week , if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,126 people shitting on your lawn. Your reward will come next spring when you will have one of the greenest, most beautiful lawns in the neighbourhood.

Mrs. Harry Butt - 236 Corn Cob Alley

Mrs. Smelly B. Hind - 475 Diarrhea Way

Mrs. Apple Crop - 1422 Enema Drive

Mrs. Bigger Movement - 89 Rectum Road

Mr. Go More Piles - 741 Hemorrhoid Street

Mr. C. Howie Farts - Whistle Britches Ave.

Mr. & Mrs. Charlie Springer - 2 Suppository Lane

Mr. & Mrs. Took A. Fizzik - 634 Running Loose Lane

P.S. If you are constipated, pass this along to your neighbour. Don't break the chain. One Man didn't give a shit and lost his entire lawn. Best wishes for a greener lawn, and more fun at your lawn parties.

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