A good date ends with a kiss, a great date ends with breakfast.
Why is a rabbit's foot considered good luck when we'd all much rather rub a camel toe?
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine, we improve with age. Now I'm locked me in the wine cellar.
Women are like cell phones, they like to be held and talked to, but press the wrong button and you're disconnected.
My profile on a dating site was rejected. One of the questions was, "What do you want in a woman?" Apparently, "My dick" is not an acceptable answer.
Love thy neighbor all through the day. but first make sure her husband's away!
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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